It has become clear to me that my journey as I like to call it because transition seems to be more of a harsh term has not gone as smooth as possible. As I silently sit and watch the good people of this earth fight over what bathroom is more appropriate for me to use. All I can think of is why is this all of a sudden an issue.
The answer: I blame Caitlyn Jener!
I know it is easy to point the finger and lay blame that is why I am doing it. Honestly though ever since Caitlyn made her dramatic over the top six outfit changing pay attention to me debut my world has never been the same. Don’t get me wrong I am a proud transgendered women and I have been out and about long before Caitlyn Jener made her life public. Yes I am happy she is following her heart and living her dream it is what we all want. You have to realize I have spent the last three years constantly gawked at and not in the adoring way more of the distain for my existence kind of way. This is the sad reality of being a normal infamous transgendered person you spend every waking moment hoping to be like everyone else and then you go to sleep and dream about it. For the lucky few that have the natural traits of their desired gender it is an easier road filled with sunshine, lollypops and double rainbows. As for the rest of us aparently the road to Hell is not paved with good intentions and the double rainbow is replaced by a double standard. Why can’t you be like everyone else? because you won’t let me!  Yes I am happy about my decision to transition but it is like we as the transgendered population have stood shocked while Caitlyn kicked the proverbial hornet’s nests forcing people to take notice and pick a side. Please for the love of all that is good in the world do not pick a side go back to not giving a rat’s ass or caring as to what transgendered people do or where we pee. The last thing I want to see is the polarization of the left and right when it comes to transgender people. The outcome is always the same hurtful things are said, misinformation is spread and opinions are formed. People dig in their heels and all of a sudden the spot light gets turned towards me. In the short time that caitlyn has drawn open the curtain into her private life and paraded the red carpets of the world in her designer Versace Gown in some minds I have become the image of a pedophile for needing to use a bathroom to pee. Caitlyn may have been ready for her close up as she spirals dramatically down the staircase of her Malibu home but the rest of us still are dealing with the daily issues of life.

Okay granted I may not be the best example of the transgendered silent majority because I also work in the entertainment industry. When I started this journey I was consciously aware there would be pit falls and barriers to overcome along the way but I never really sat down and gave a moment’s notice to what those might be. I never dreamed for a minute where I pee would become a topic for national debate. Frankly it is hurtful to think how this latest overblown transgender issue is affecting my Daughter. How does she come to terms with the public sentiment that her once dad is being labeled a pedophile? I hope she feels it is as unjust as I do and she can grasp the truth. Is she now more ashamed to have a transgendered parent? is it yet another nail in the coffin of our fragile relationship? I guess only time will tell. I do make an effort not to be the source of embarrassment for my family even though I am in the public eye and splashed across the first pages of google for my entertainment endeavors. I try not to let the show biz side of things creep into my private life in respect to my family. I still honour my parents’ wishes to tone down my feminine side when attending family functions. I also would never dream of complicating my teenage daughter’s life with unnecessary flamboyant behavior in her or her friends presence. I am not a Drag Queen or a Female Impersonator just a gender dysphoric actor with a desire to quietly pass for a female when out in public. I for one want to just get on with my life and go about my business of making films hoping no one notices me for the wrong reasons. 

Then it happened last Tuesday! While I was waiting to get my fix of fresh Fish Taco’s at one of the many food trucks that checker the city.  I realized nobody was paying any attention to me. I know this sounds a little self-centered but you would not believe the inner joy I was having at that moment. Even the panhandler on the corner asking for change addressed me as miss.  Okay She may have been visually impaired but it still made me think to myself for a brief moment “Could it be I was now Passable???” Am on the glorious path to sunshine, lollypops and double rainbows?   Well like most people I have good days and bad days.

 Things have been Amazingly Crazy

 I started this blog to highlight the pitfalls and winfalls of life as a transgender actress. It really is a struggle being in this situation and the stigmatism and bias towards transgenders is rampid. I have had dropped calls and not interested thrown in my face to the point that it is just my expectation. I have managed to keep smiling and just move on. 

Recently things have been Amazingly Crazy. I have continued in my adventures as a transgender model and actress. I truely believe that fate plays a huge roll in my life.  With fate as my ruler for the last two years I have been letting it guide me.  I have continued to advance my skills through acting school and college. This past week was another mile stone for me producing my own photoshoot. I was asked by a client to model for a new product. I have worked with this company before so they know my capabilities and commitment. They gave me their blessing and trust to produce photos for their new product.  I loved controlling all aspects of the job. I busily went to work scouting locations, selecting complementary wardrobe and the hiring of staff. 


I have decided I am not going to let others to bring me down when I can just as easily boost myself up.  The shoot was a great success and has lead to a spread in a national magazine. I have now been asked by a United Kingdom Television Company to be interview for a documentary.

So I am giving you a little cheer and a big smile 


Miss Sarah Luv

Three days and still stars in my eyes

I have finally calmed down enough to write about my New York trip. It was a whirl wind and I was so strung out on nervous energy, I was not able to sleep for the entire time.  I did not want to wake up and have it only be a dream but mainly there was just so much that needed doing in such a short time that sleep was just not in the cards.
I arrived in JFK international after a short wait and a connecting flight from San Francisco . The airport was dated and dull and could really use a makeover. It serves it’s purpose and not everything in life needs to be shiny and new. I exited through the front doors And was relieved to see a man that was not smiling but none the less holding my name. I felt kind of special that is until hle whisked my bags away from me and I had to walk quickly to keep up with him. I managed to saver the moment while waiting for a crosswalk signal I noticed along line of yellow cabs jostling for a potion out front of the terminal and using colourful language. The moment was fleeting when crosswalk light changed and I was once again began chasing the man with my lugauage down a dimly lit car park. Thank god he finally stopped at a large black town car and held the door for me to hope in. As we drove he began to speak with what I thought was a New Jersey accent , it turned out he was from Staten Island and a rather nice fellow. Along the way he pointed out things that he thought I would be interested in and the drive to my hotel room was informative. I learned on one side of the freeway was Brooklyn and not a bad area to visit on the other side was Jamaican town that looked identical but apparently not a tourist destination.

We arrived at the hotel and was pleased to have them greet me with a warm welcome. A little to nice and over top what was up with all the niceties ? I wondered? The usual “We have been expecting you all day so glad to have you stay with us “was followed by “we are hoping everything is to your satisfaction. “said one will the other said” there is a parcel that came for you in the mail I will hand deliver it for you” as they checked me in with smiles from ear to ear I stood puzzled “Everything is as you request and if there is anything you need be sure you ring for us” the front desk clerk said as she handed me my room key. I grabbed the key card that read manhattan suite I began to understand my situation a little better. Dear god what have I got myself into how big was this production that they are able to put a small time model in a luxury hotel room. The porter open the door to my room on the top floor and there in front of me in two full stories of window stood the entire manhattan skyline I just stood there awe struck until the porter asked me “if that would be all ?” ” Yes yes that was so good and I fumbled for a couple twenties for a tip. I wanted to jump on the bed and phone all my friends but needed to get ready for tomorrow so out came the wardrobe that I had lugged across the country. It did not take long to unpack and I sat for a moment enjoying the view when I quiet knock on the door interrupted my thought pattern and I went to open the door there was the front desk clerk still smiling from ear to ear and as promised holding a large cardboard box for me. I slipped him twenty dollars as he placed it on the front entrance desk and I motioned at the door with a whisk of the my wrist and” thank you that will do ” I added a quick “yes I will be sure to call if I need anything else. ” I was not trying to be rude just excited to open the box containing the new and improved femskin IV. It was so light I could not wait to try it on. Standing in front of the windows for all of New York to see. I spent the rest of the night trying on outfits and by five in the morning I was ready to start applying make up. This would be my shinning moment in front of the big screen why was I doing this to myself and were the hell is my hairbrush and razors? Oh God That’s it you know the item that you always mistakenly leave behind even though you went over it a thousand times in your head. Great I am going to be the
bearded woman on national television if I was not so horrified I would of started to cry. Well they said down at the front desk if I needed anything so I called down and sure enough they found replacement for both my missing items and quickly sent them to my room. My makeup went on so slowly and I must have spent a good half hour on just my eyes. Everything although slow went well and I managed to not glue my eyes shut while attaching my eyelashes.
I stood in front of the mirror admiring myself okay world here comes Sarah Luv ready or not My life will never be the same after today




A new chapter of an old book

Just when I had given up hope of making it in the cruel world of modeling a shinny new email appeared in my inbox. I opened it with caution thinking it was yet another spam or Trojan virus, I was so surprised at what I was reading I had to actually put my phone down in the passenger seat beside me and go back to concentrating on navigating the busy freeway a head of me. Before you pass judgement on people that use there phone while driving you should know I never use it to talk I just text oh and watch the occasional movie. I could not wait to get home and read it again I was sure it said they wanted to fly me to New York to film for an episode on showtime. This can’t be right I am sure it was a misunderstanding or this was sent by mistake a kind of “oops I pressed send to all” situation. I sat in front of the computer reading and rereading the email with my mouth wide open sure enough it was meant for me. A little back story if I may, My only real success on being a transgender model has come from the fetish wear industry and for me more specific the femskin. The femskin is a full latex body suit that comes in different colours and styles. They were designed for crossdressers but have become fetish wear for both men and women. I would say the flesh tone style is the most popular and the one I model for them. I have had been featured in several magazines and web sites wearing one. So this email was an offer to fly me to New York to model their las test design only one problem this was going to be on main stream television. Now I realize the chances of my grand mother watching this on television is slim but still this was not the usual spread featured in a magazine that was destined to sit in a dimly lit porn shop and Leafed through by perverts at two in the morning. If this is my big break I will take it if it is the end of my failed modelling quest then why not go out on top.