APARENTLY THE ROAD TO HELL ISN’T PAVED WITH GOOD INTINTIONS 

THIS IS A CONTINUIS STORY OF MY JOURNEY

It has become clear to me that my journey as I like to call it because transition seems to be more of a harsh term has not gone as smooth as possible. As I silently sit and watch the good people of this earth fight over what bathroom is more appropriate for me to use. All I can think of is why is this all of a sudden an issue.
The answer: I blame Caitlyn Jener!
I know it is easy to point the finger and lay blame that is why I am doing it. Honestly though ever since Caitlyn made her dramatic over the top six outfit changing pay attention to me debut my world has never been the same. Don’t get me wrong I am a proud transgendered women and I have been out and about long before Caitlyn Jener made her life public. Yes I am happy she is following her heart and living her dream it is what we all want. You have to realize I have spent the last three years constantly gawked at and not in the adoring way more of the distain for my existence kind of way. This is the sad reality of being a normal infamous transgendered person you spend every waking moment hoping to be like everyone else and then you go to sleep and dream about it. For the lucky few that have the natural traits of their desired gender it is an easier road filled with sunshine, lollypops and double rainbows. As for the rest of us aparently the road to Hell is not paved with good intentions and the double rainbow is replaced by a double standard. Why can’t you be like everyone else? because you won’t let me!  Yes I am happy about my decision to transition but it is like we as the transgendered population have stood shocked while Caitlyn kicked the proverbial hornet’s nests forcing people to take notice and pick a side. Please for the love of all that is good in the world do not pick a side go back to not giving a rat’s ass or caring as to what transgendered people do or where we pee. The last thing I want to see is the polarization of the left and right when it comes to transgender people. The outcome is always the same hurtful things are said, misinformation is spread and opinions are formed. People dig in their heels and all of a sudden the spot light gets turned towards me. In the short time that caitlyn has drawn open the curtain into her private life and paraded the red carpets of the world in her designer Versace Gown in some minds I have become the image of a pedophile for needing to use a bathroom to pee. Caitlyn may have been ready for her close up as she spirals dramatically down the staircase of her Malibu home but the rest of us still are dealing with the daily issues of life.

Okay granted I may not be the best example of the transgendered silent majority because I also work in the entertainment industry. When I started this journey I was consciously aware there would be pit falls and barriers to overcome along the way but I never really sat down and gave a moment’s notice to what those might be. I never dreamed for a minute where I pee would become a topic for national debate. Frankly it is hurtful to think how this latest overblown transgender issue is affecting my Daughter. How does she come to terms with the public sentiment that her once dad is being labeled a pedophile? I hope she feels it is as unjust as I do and she can grasp the truth. Is she now more ashamed to have a transgendered parent? is it yet another nail in the coffin of our fragile relationship? I guess only time will tell. I do make an effort not to be the source of embarrassment for my family even though I am in the public eye and splashed across the first pages of google for my entertainment endeavors. I try not to let the show biz side of things creep into my private life in respect to my family. I still honour my parents’ wishes to tone down my feminine side when attending family functions. I also would never dream of complicating my teenage daughter’s life with unnecessary flamboyant behavior in her or her friends presence. I am not a Drag Queen or a Female Impersonator just a gender dysphoric actor with a desire to quietly pass for a female when out in public. I for one want to just get on with my life and go about my business of making films hoping no one notices me for the wrong reasons. 


Then it happened last Tuesday! While I was waiting to get my fix of fresh Fish Taco’s at one of the many food trucks that checker the city.  I realized nobody was paying any attention to me. I know this sounds a little self-centered but you would not believe the inner joy I was having at that moment. Even the panhandler on the corner asking for change addressed me as miss.  Okay She may have been visually impaired but it still made me think to myself for a brief moment “Could it be I was now Passable???” Am on the glorious path to sunshine, lollypops and double rainbows?   Well like most people I have good days and bad days.
 

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